Self – to each their own life itself
What are you going to do with your life?
At 19, I used to hang out at the popular local bar with my friends and co-workers. One day we took turns asking each other the question, “What are you going to do with your life?” The ultimate response was, “Live it!”
I could never have imagined that life could be so full of stuff to live, since my future seemed so very far away. Along the way I met many a varied character types through naiveté and circumstance that led me into uncharted territory with no guide. I learned a lot more about other people than I wanted or felt I needed, but I now have a better sense about them and can read egos really well.
I always admired people who seemed worldly; especially those who traveled and experienced a lot in life and I wanted to be like them in telling stories of long ago and far away. Little did I know that long ago was a good place to keep some of those experiences, as I found myself living many strange ones of my own. Some of the familial and societal obstacles that I was conditioned to endure in this little life of mine have created a lot of drama for me. Now these are my stories of another time and in facing the pain that held my mind and body hostage, I was directed towards the me that was there all along.
Below are just a few profound obstacles that myself and others have overcome in our lives. Some were short-lived and some lasted decades or piggy-backed another, but we used them to make us stronger.
Yes, you can get yourself from here:
- Broken and dysfunctional family
- Child abuse
- Eating disorders; anorexia & bulimia
- Four totaled car wrecks
- Guilt and subsequent shame stemming from victimization
- Involvement in a fanatic organized religious sect
- Many heart-breaks from relationships turned bad
- Marriage to a certified psychotic (attempted murder, domestic rape)
- Mean-spirited relatives
- Money problems and bankruptcy
- Multiple family deaths and near-deaths in short period
- Near abduction and near loss of child
- Panic & terror attacks
- Perfectionist workaholic (working yourself out of many jobs by overdoing your job)
- Poor self-image
- Post Traumatic Stress, Acute Stress, Social Anxiety Disorder, et al
- Self medication
- Sexual abuse (in the form of physical/mental abuse by parent of opposite gender)
- Sexual harassment
- Single parent of ADHD child
- Smoking habit
- Straggled and broke on a foreign continent
- Standing in your very own solid strength and grounded in your own fortitude which is the natural state that comes from overcoming these types of obstacles along with the gift of compassion
- Feeling that bright and shiny orb in the core of your being that can never be dimmed…only shine more brightly that permeates every facet of your now wonderful life in expanding happiness
There truly are obstacles to be overcome, but they are the results of conditioning that was wrong to begin with and once overcome, they can no longer hold you prisoner with sad emotion. You become a person of victory and strength who has won many battles in the fight for personal freedom. You will find that in avoiding confrontation just to keep the peace, you are avoiding your own self and that non-action allows for other and worse confrontational issues to be attracted to you because of a doormat demeanor.
You often feel like your mind is trying to escape and your body is trying to run away. In learning to stand up to the anger and frustration in others, you learn about an expanded sense of your own self. You are liberated from domination and have clear hind/foresight into cause and effect factors.
During this extreme ‘training’, you learn a lot about human nature and find sadly that cruel people will by their nature be attracted to friendly people. Since you cannot go against your own good nature, you learn how to set strong boundaries for how you allow a person to act towards you. You learn that your strength is what others are draining from you and you will stop making excuses for their shortcomings.
One thing that keeps you going is a part of you just knows there is a better life somehow and no matter how close you come to giving up on yourself, or how many times, you really get more curious to find the answers to the cause and the solution. You want to know the truth and create your own good life.
There is now a fortress standing where the shanty used to be.
Guilt & Shame
The sooner you can give a name to the emotions that surface during the healing process, the sooner you can release that hold on you. Guilt and shame factor immensely into promiscuity where drugs and alcohol relieve inhibitions between couples who otherwise know better. Inhibitions are there for a reason. They are also why male and female prostitutes need to take drugs to allow others to abuse their bodies.
Victims of abuse may have a vague sense of something being wrong that lingers like a dead rattlesnake on the doorstep, just like many of the other painful emotions. They know that it is dead, but it can still bite them if they’re not careful, so they leave it there, afraid to try to safely remove it and go outside.
Guilt can be created when:
- Others treat you with disdain because you are more attractive or smart, have more attention or money in a life that they want and didn’t make for themselves.
- Jealousy and envy will keep success from you if you keep yourself down to avoid someone else’s misdirected guilt.
- You are blamed for beatings, or messing up someone’s life, or just for being born.
- You blame yourself for allowing abuse to happen to you, which can be difficult to discern.
- You neglect to act on someone’s behalf in a preventative measure or in the face of danger.
- You survive a disaster that someone else did not.
- You think that you failed as a parent in some way, especially if the child becomes a criminal.
Shame makes for a huge inferiority complex that interferes with every aspect of one’s life. You tend to wear an ‘air of embarrassment’ and ‘sense of inadequacy’ when relating to others, even though you may have a higher IQ. You are always over-compensating for some unspecified lack or fixing someone else’s mistakes. You feel that if you only do more, it will satisfy some unknown that will tell you when to stop.
Shame may well be the final step of the healing process for those who take on guilt, but not everyone is on the same moral scale. Rather than fumbling through life with a sense of failure for perceived mistakes, as we all have those, try living in the spirit of success for actual accomplishments, as we all have those, too.
Actively recall thoughts of success until you re-condition yourself to succeed.
There is a wonderful person waiting when you have truly healed yourself of destructive emotions that drain your body and preoccupy your mind. The nagging aches and pains in your body stop, you have more energy, your mind is clear, and you feel refreshed. The real you was there all along and it now seems that your experiences left you with a great deal of inner strength along with insight into human nature. You find that it is beyond words to describe it and you are happy to be back in a state of harmony. You have a second chance in life, this time with the strength of knowing and loving your self.
The real key to living your life.
Now, 30+ years later, I can say that I’ve lived my life so far, really lived it, and learned a lot about myself and being human. I have a lot more life yet to live and have learned from my ‘lessons’. That’s what it’s like when I look back at the good times, the bad times, the really bad times, and the really good times.
The real key for me was that it wasn’t so much what I had to learn, it was what I had to unlearn to get me and keep me out of a sad state of affairs. At the same time I learned how to create good, even spectacular states for my self. I have broken the family’s obligation cycle and society’s stereotype cycle and built my own foundation with strong-reaching love that vibrates in honesty, respect, and compassion. I often feel like I have more love than I can handle, but I’ve learned how to accept that, too as it continues to grow and attract favor around me.
Now, I can use my past as a reference as I look back without emotional attachment. I live in the ‘here and now’ without interference from negative emotional ties. No longer do I live in pain of the past or fear of the future by holding those feelings in the present. I faced my life in an honest way as I researched every bit of old-age and new-age concept that I could find in my quest for the answers to life.
I found all the answers when I stopped to listen to my own mind and body and what my pains and memories were telling me. I solved many complex emotional and relationship puzzles and sorted out the attached feelings. I learned what I needed to change in myself in order to change the outcome in my life. I disproved storybook lies by seeking out the truth and being responsible for my own harmony in life.
Learn how your life works
Learn how to:
- Become your own parent
- Become strong in your true self
- Be your own fan club
- Bring your mind and body together
- Control and filter your thoughts
- Counter inferior feelings with good ones at will
- Find out what part of you is you and what part is conditioning, expectation, obligation
- Find the thought behind your feeling
- Follow your own thought processes and retrain them
- Forgive yourself for putting you through so many trials
- Get in touch with what you want
- Get over the guilt in letting other people take care of their own selves
- Learn how to discern which emotions are surfacing during the healing process
- Learn which thoughts make which feelings and change them accordingly
- Listen to your body’s reaction to food and exercise or lack of
- Never stand in the doorway with your failures in your hand
- Practice recalling thoughts of success for success conditioning
- Prepare your mind for receiving and accepting good things in life
- Project the same caring and compassion that you have for others towards you, too
- Protect yourself from another’s bad vibes by mentally mirroring it back, and let it go
- Read your own stress levels and how stress affects you
- Remember to release negative emotion (into the air or ether)
- See that by allowing love to come to you, it goes through you and on to others…do not quickly pass it on to others as if they need it more than you do as there are lots to go around
- Set your own boundaries
- Stop living in old fears
- Study your thought patterns
- Trust in your self again
- Learn from what your own life experiences teach you
I needed to and learned how to feel good inside, about my self and not my accomplishments or acquirements, but purely for the sake of it. I learned how to release endorphins at will by thinking a certain way when I started to feel blue or needed a boost. I needed to learn the truth from the inside out and practice what I learned until it became second nature and I was no longer my own saboteur.
This is one example of PPR (Personal Perception Response) that shows how resourceful we can be when the going gets tough, and then tougher still. Sometimes all we have to keep us going is one good thing in life that we can hold on to while we are working on the not-so-great ones. We often use remedial sayings or are inspired to create our own when we feel down or as a way to explain life.
We have every sense of intelligence available to us at every moment of our lives. It’s fairly stated that we ignore even our own common sense at times. Why would we do this to our selves? Same old story…conditioning and habit. When you come to the conclusion one day that your life is outside of your control, be thankful, because you are more aware than a lot of other people. Then quickly be aware that at that second and with that thought you begin to regain control and you are on your own path.
This sounds like a lot of work, but it was only that way for me. I un-learned the wrong way and re-learned the right way to think in order to make certain that my child never goes through what I did. Subsequently, it follows that those close to me benefit from what I discovered as well. I am happy to share my insight because it truly is helping others overcome their own obstacles and finding their inspiration for life.
Learn how to be ‘high on life’
This is the line that you do not want to cross.
- Addiction & Self-destruction
- Disease – creating various medical dis-eases for yourself, mental or biological (i.e., cancer, paranoia)
- Murder – this act begins with a single thought just like everything else and it can only grow in your psyche if you continue to think on it and attach hot or cold emotion to it. The thought of murder by itself should prompt you to ask yourself where it is coming from:
- A dangerous game that you are playing with yourself and/or others.
- A premonition of a murder about to happen.
- A show or movie that deeply affected you.
- A thought that someone else started and shared with you and you accepted it.
- It could be part of a plot to a book that you want to write, but you’re not a writer yet.
- It may have started with thoughts of suicide and grew from there.
- Past feelings often surface symbolically and in relating to the conscious mind can give you the most fearful impressions possible to get your attention, be it murder, rape, assault.
- The irrational thoughts of a panic/anxiety attack.
- You could be picking up a vibration that someone is giving off that you cannot handle properly.
- You could be telling yourself that you are being murdered by someone who is abusing you.
- Your fears could be surfacing.
- Your intuition warning you about immediate danger around you.
- You want to get someone before they get you.
- Crimes of passion where someone ends up dead also begin with a thought and powerful emotions, but it’s still murder.
- Decipher your own thought(s) of murder and consider the source because if you don’t…there is needless suffering.
- If you have a cold-hearted criminal mind, use your imagination to write fiction instead.
- It is a warning and there is a point where you will recognize it as a thought and your actions will depend on your mindset at the time.
- The thought belongs to you and is under your control as to how you are going to handle it.
- The only allowance of extreme force is in self-defense when one is in immediate danger of being killed.
- You can walk away from the situation.
- Suicide – can seem like an easy way out and it too starts with a thought and hot or cold emotion. It often comes with the feeling(s) of being unloved, unwanted, not belonging anywhere, unable to cope with the situation or bear a great pain. Your mind could be looking for an escape from something that you fear which may or may not even happen as you seek answers to whys and wherefores. Often these thoughts lead to how-to ideas with plots and plans that your imagination gives you, but realize:
- At the same time there are many people in this world who can feel your pain on an intuitive level and will experience it in the way it comes to them that hurts too, like empaths and psychics.
- It could be stemming from the irrational thoughts of a panic or anxiety attack
- It is a form of symbolic communication from the subconscious.
- It is self-murder.
- It has its own ripple effect and you may not even know who will be affected by your actions.
- Success is a better form of revenge or rebellion.
- The experience is showing you something important about yourself that you need to know.
- There really are many people who are going through the same thing as you at any given moment and worse.
- This world is the best place to be and the experiences you will have here are wondrous and limitless and exclusive only to this beautiful planet called Earth.
- The pain that you are feeling by its nature will subside and eventually go away.
- To the depth of the pain you will have depth of character and love and compassion.
- You are actually waking up to your own individuality.
- You can give the same compassion to yourself as you would someone else in your position.
- You can learn to actually ‘hold’ pain or any emotion and use its energy for something positive.
- You can never truly be alone in the world.
- You can walk away from a bad situation.
- You could be overly sensitive to another vibrations around you.
- Your thoughts are your own, so you own them.