Men – what they go through
Let’s walk in a man’s shoes for a bit and see how different they really are
I do not profess to know what it’s like to be a man in reality, as I am clearly not one. What I am though is a person who was raised to do every job and work just as hard to help my parents and raise my family as any man could, and be a lady at the same time. This is where the line in the stereotypical viewpoint is such a restrictive boundary for men and women who should be working side by side. A viewpoint that never should have been there in the first place, because if I were to be judged according to society’s standards of what a man should do, I am more of a man than many of the men I know. That doesn’t make me a butch, or domineering, or want to marry a wimp…just me…living my life the way I learned how.
How do I know what men go through?
My knowledge comes from relating more with men as buddies because intellectually we think more alike than most women can comprehend. Many men would relate better with women if they would get out of the needy, clinging, mindless, dependency mode. Many women don’t make themselves interesting or develop their intelligence beyond the kitchen, nursery and bedroom. They fall into the mindless world of gossip when they fail to fill their minds with intelligent thoughts. Men can sometimes feel threatened by a women’s intelligence and independence, but secretly most welcome it and find it very stimulating. Intellect brings a higher sense of friendship that gives a relationship balance and lives on if it is over.
Some men on the other hand prefer to protect their male friendships more than share them with their mates by creating unspoken boundaries between the sexes. Not all men celebrate the end of first period in a hockey game with a belching and farting contest, but it is one way to keep women out of the room so they can perform some kind of infantile bonding ritual. Now I enjoy a good hockey game like any fan and the 2002 & 2010 Winter Olympics were awesome, like how hockey used to be when I use to enjoy it, but if I’m going to be kept out of the room like that, I’m going to keep on going right out the door.
A real man has outgrown his teenage performances and moved up in mentality
What about the money?
Many men take on the role of bigger breadwinner as one of superiority which we all know is delusional, because in fact women can be the bigger breadwinner when they act on their opportunities.
Men should never hand over their paycheck unwisely to someone who has no experience with money or has never made any. Pay attention to where your hard-earned money is going and review the budgets and bank accounts with your partner.
Money can be slippery for women who don’t have a knack for handling it and you can find yourself in the poor house with no one to blame but yourself for trusting the wrong person with it. It’s the same a choosing a bank…if you don’t have a partner who knows the value of a dollar, then do yourself a favour and find someone who does. Either control your money yourself or higher a bookkeeper for a couple of hours a month. Better yet, get your partner to take a mini-course on money management to learn the basics…ask your bank about it. It is not just women who can be lame with money as many men are very careless with it, especially when showing off to a potential bed mate.
Know your partner’s attitude towards the value of the dollar
On the other side, women who do know money make excellent financiers as is reflected in the success of many corporate industries and home-based businesses that they start and run alone. Many of these women have learned how to balance breadwinning with babies and we can all learn the art of doing that.
What about those feelings?
Men and women have the same kinds of feelings, but they normally handle them quite differently. Men know that they can cry, but often consider it a girlish thing to do and would not attempt to force it. I can’t even fathom all of the feelings that men have bottled up inside at this very moment and when the cork does blow as we often read about, it creates uncontrollable chaos. It is one reason that women have less tendency toward violence, they know how to release many of their feelings with a good cry.
Men must learn how to release pain
As boys, some men were made to stand in the corner of the room on their knees in a box of gravel for hours as a form of punishment by the parents. Those men have yet to learn to cry and release it…instead they are substance abusers who beat up on women when something angers them today.
If we want communication between men and women bad enough, we will have it
Women do not need to demand or cajole their idea of what feelings should look like out of a man, as men process them in their own unique way. Often, it’s a single tear that’s sneaked to the surface; to see it can be an honour for a woman who understands the feeling behind it. It’s not to be forced or made fun of…it’s a sign of human essence and the more a man can decipher his feelings, the stronger he will be. Women need to know that men have feelings, just not all over the place all of the time – and if you see a bad example of a woman sharing her feelings, you would want to avoid those scary things, too.
Men need to learn the language of feelings and women need to learn to just listen
What about that nagging?
Men often consider reminders of something that needs to be done or something they promised as nagging. Nagging is more in the voice…it’s a combination of an irritating pitch and demand that many women have when they ask like a screaming banshee, “Haven’t you done that yet?” And then they go on about how many times they asked you to do it while you keep one eye and one ear glued to the TV. Many men get very good at selective listening and women need to know how to ask or leave it alone.
When you want someone to do something for you, you need to:
- Ask them if they would please do this or that and wait for a ‘Yes’ response
- If it doesn’t get done in a reasonable period of time, repeat Step 1
- If it’s still not done, do it yourself and be done with asking
This method will let you know whether or not this is a good thing to ask them to do as some people aren’t motivated to do something unless someone else starts it. You will also find out just how much or how little support you are going to get from them and may have to take a closer look at the relationship before you wear yourself down. Just because women are perceived as being more adept at maintaining a household, doesn’t mean that they were born knowing it, they had to learn, too. In fact lots of men are much more organized on the home front. They enjoy cooking for themselves to their own taste and fashioning the garden to their own sense of the outdoors. Also, nagging is not just a women’s sport as men have a lower pitch in their voice and a higher demand in their nag.
Asking shouldn’t sound like nagging so learn the pitch of your own voice
What’s with the cackle?
I don’t know if cackling is more irritating than nagging or too close to call. What is it about a group of women who can turn a restaurant into a barnyard by telling a joke? Give me a blackboard scratcher any day. Women don’t seem to laugh at such high velocity when there is just one so they must feed off each other when there is two or more that band together and make like they are all laying eggs at the same time.
Personally, I cringe when I am in the company of a women with a high-pitched cackle and would advise more women to take voice lessons to find a better vocal range…to help with nagging, too.
Is ignorance bliss?
Men don’t suffer to any great degree because of women, they suffer when they ignore them to a great degree. Society still breeds men to buy women with fancy things as if they cannot acquire them for themselves which is interpreted as ignoring their intelligence. What is the point of being a woman if all they can do is dress up to sell themselves to the highest bidder? With that mentality they might as well advertise themselves as a commodity to be traded or sold like a hockey player.
If they are going to sell themselves that way, they had better appreciate with age to retain some resale value or have a good retirement package, and never refer to themselves as a woman. The only thing that’s bliss is the freedom of independent thinking and a real woman can only be tempted…never bought.
The more men support women in getting for themselves the more a couple can focus on the important qualities of a relationship without the insecurities and love doubts that marrying for money brings. Ideally, each person’s goals would complement the other for a harmonious relationship.